he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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