Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
