No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
