i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize