she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
