my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
