what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
