I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
