At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The air was thick with penises
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
