Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
