smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
