I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
