I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize