D3 body, D1 cock
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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