the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Say something about gay babies.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
