I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
