Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
