and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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