My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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