I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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