i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
