if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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