I got chris browned last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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