That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
