R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This baby is an asshole
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
