You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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