I heard we made out
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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