Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
