he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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