dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize