just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize