I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
