Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Houston, we have a blender
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
