Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm like, not good at living.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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