Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
