i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
