Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize