i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
