Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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