I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
