You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
