Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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