He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize