We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize