your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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