it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
