Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
