ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
