I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
