well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
