I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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