How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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