He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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