LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I touched a dick in church today
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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