My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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