honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize