"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize