Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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