i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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