So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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