actually, I'm a sock model
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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