I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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