i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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