gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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