Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
