omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
