That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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