i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
