I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Found the puke drawer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
