I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if only i could text you this smell
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Randomize
