I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
